THE ART OF BEING A CLOWN

Many of you are probably familiar with this term but for the sake of those who have not yet had an encounter with these streets let’s define the term. Clowning: being played or treated as a joke! The love scene in Nairobi is not child’s play. We’re all clowns at some point in our lives. As a matter of fact you’re probably still clowning waiting to be picked because let’s face it; you’re technically a circus all year round.

As a young adult, you pride yourself in being a go-getter. You have had people tell you how the world is at your feet. They have defined you as brilliant, smart and gorgeous. You don’t know how to take no for an answer and you always get what you want. Then you turn 20 and realize you were not ready for these streets and you have no idea how to take rejection. This becomes the onset of the famous pick-me tendencies and you quickly earn the term CLOWN.

The rule is pretty simple, hunny go where you are wanted. I think the saddest part about all this is the fact that you know you’re a clown. As a matter of fact, you even compare notes with your fellow clowns over the occasional chinwag. You hype one another saying how you deserve better but you go your separate ways and it’s back to default settings as you send the text ‘hey babe’. It’s always the same excuses but you disrespect yourself and stay hoping to get picked. Well I have news for you; the situationship will never become a relationship. It’s a hard pill to swallow but irrizwhatirriz.

Here are some of the top 10 ways you politely get rejected:

1. I really like you; I’m just not ready for a relationship- Sometimes this is true and they're on a personal journey towards self growth. However in some cases it just means I’m just not that interested in you. I’m probably chasing someone I actually like and it’s not you.

2. Let’s just chill in the house and have a good time- Kamati ya weed and tap water, I'm speaking to you. This simply means I don’t want to be seen in public with you because we might run into someone I actually like and this will ruin my chances with them.

3. It’s not you, trust me you’re great but it’s me- I’m just not that interested honestly.

4. I just feel like we are at different levels in life and right now I want to work on myself- There's someone I vibe with out there and it's not you.

5. Let’s just go with the flow and see what happens- You’re available so a good time is easy to come by. Might just waste your time for a couple of months or years until I get the right person.

6. Replies text in 3-5 business days – there’s a person getting replies as they’re typing and it’s not you boo.

7. I don’t like phone-calls/ Phone-calls give me anxiety- This person is having 2-3 hour long conversations with the man/woman of their dreams.

8. You’re too nice- I have a certain fetish for toxic and emotionally unavailable people probably because a certain trauma is manifesting itself in my adult life. I suggest you run from such people.

9. You’re being hunted down either on Friday or during the weekends and your conversations are not done sober, that’s if you even talk. The bold ones start on Thursday and ghost after the weekend.

10. You’ve gone out together but the photos being posted leave us wondering if it was a solo date.

Before long you’re building sand castles in your head. Doing couple things with no official title. At this point you’d probably move mountains for this person. The answer to “are you single” has now gone from yes to being complicated. You can feel that the effort is one-sided but you stick around hoping things will turn around and you will be upgraded from complicated to taken. You’re turning down date offers because you are loyal to this person and that’s rare to find in these streets so that earns you extra points.

Frustration starts to creep in. You’ve even gone further to summon your spiritual side are now praying for guidance over this situation. Your spirit is troubled so you take action. At this point you’re now desperate and you’re asking the “What are we” question because you have done your homework- read books and watched T.E.D Talks and the word D.T.R is being repeated. For those who are not yet at this point D.T.R: Defining The Relationship. You’re now slowly morphing into a crazy person. Lurking on their socials, getting petty over the tiniest things, overthinking every text and phone-call, making up excuses to spend time with them and so on… Ya’ll know how your crazy is manifesting.

If this has been you here's how reality looks like; guys,there is no one busier than a girl who isn't interested and girls, if a guy wants you there won't be any reason to second guess it. Do you know what you need to do? You need to respect yourself enough to leave. You need to realize that you are better than half-ass situationships. Most importantly, you are more than enough for the right person. However, I do realize that we are all young and in our early twennys. We’re stubborn and we don’t listen. The only words I have for all the clowns out there are JIHESHIMU BITCH!