Our generation is very familiar with this saying, loving the person I am becoming. But what the hell does that even mean? We say it normally when trying to justify our escape from something or someone. I can’t even count the number of times I have told a guy I can’t date right now because I am working on the woman I am becoming.
The question here is what exactly am I becoming? Is it just an easier way to turn someone down and do I even believe that statement. Of course, it’s currently in the same wozzap group as ‘normalize’. But we’re not talking about that today. Our agenda today is this version of ourselves we are claiming to love.
I may not know what your journey is, and if you are actually taking steps to become a better person. That’s a small meeting I think you should have with yourself. I will however talk about my own journey because each day I wake up and I have to live it. Each day I have to wake up and look myself in the mirror while saying my affirmations. The truth is, half the time I am not even sure I believe the words I am saying. At the end of the day, I also have to say the things I am grateful for because part of being holistic is learning gratitude. However, sometimes I mention things I am thankful for but I’m not even sure if I actually mean it.
I don’t even know if I love this ‘new version’ of me or not. Of course, not all days look like this, but when I am stuck in my thoughts I really question the authenticity of this statement. I ask myself what truth it holds. My definition of this statement is a good Saturday morning, where I am up early. I get some exercise done finally because let’s face it, I have never really had a proper routine. I then put on a face mask, some nice house music that’s pretty chill and sip some purple tea over one of the many books I am still struggling to finish. #20BOOKSIN2020
The onset of my early 20s has taught me that self-care counts as adulting so I’m definitely doing well at least. I deserve to say these words on a good day. Another time when I can proudly say this is when I talk myself out of a ‘toxic situation’ that doesn’t bring me peace of mind. That’s definitely a win because it means that I am finally learning to guard my peace. What I don’t want to admit to myself is that in most cases, I talked myself out of something simply because I was probably too afraid or anxious to do it. And because I felt some form of discomfort then it definitely interfered with my peace.
The truth is, this statement has become an escape strategy for so many people. We say it to feel comfortable in our bad habits and toxic traits. We say it to conform to our inner child’s comfort zone as well. The reality on the ground kinda looks something like this:
You’ve been procrastinating almost the whole year. This year was probably worse because of the on-going pandemic obviously. So, you sat in your little comfort corner and blamed Covid-19 for the procrastination. You probably didn’t’ make New Year’s resolutions because adulting has made you realize that January 31st is just another day but with way more hype than usual. It’s still the same shit, just a different year. The only thing that changed was the dates in the calendar.
Granted, you have tried to become a better person. My very good friend likes to tell me ‘I don’t want to take that away from you’. So it’s a win and you should be proud. But are you really happy with this version of yourself? Can you really say I was at point A and I am now at point B, and you know what, I am happy with where I am? I feel very fulfilled with the steps I have taken to actually become a wholesome person. I get that sometimes it feels like one step forward and like ten behind. But you’re trying and that’s great. The question is, are you actually trying hard enough? Can you pick out instances that signify how much effort you are actually making?
I think it’s important to call yourself out on your bullshit once in a while. Throwing around this statement doesn’t mean anything unless it’s actually true. Unless you’re taking intentional steps to actually become a better person, you have no business saying these words. Maybe it’s time to actually be honest with yourself, don’t you think?