COULD BODY-SHAMING BE A USEFUL DISRUPTION?

If you’re in your early 20s you’ve probably already had your first mirror experience a.k.a the ‘oh shit, how did this happen’ moment. Let me describe it just so we are all on the same page. You’ve been eating at fast food places for a while now… you know, eating life with a big spoon. You’re putting on some weight in the right places so some clothes are fitting better and old ones are being outgrown. This is obviously good because who doesn’t like a shopping spree right? Until one day when you’re not in a hurry you pose naked at your mirror and for the first time in a long time, you pay attention. You’ve changed and if we’re being honest, you notice features about you that you don’t like; and think ‘oh shit! How did this happen?’ Sound familiar?

Studies have shown that 99% of people asked ‘how do you feel about your body?’ will have a response saying things they don’t like about their bodies. Even the seemingly perfect people we see on our Instagram feeds think they can alter something on their bodies. There is an aspect of us that we don’t like automatically. It's usually something along the lines of losing weight or gaining some, having a more defined body or other body goals we have set for ourselves.

My first mirror experience happened in the first year of uni. I had just hugged a friend of mine and he had said “na siku hizi kwani ukona tyre” That night I looked in the mirror and actually paid attention. I had developed new features like bye-bye arms, cellulite, stretch-marks, and a bouncy tummy. I hated this new version. In addition, my acne was also out of control and I had turned into a portion mixing witch in the kitchen with natural remedies from YouTube. Tutorials out there talking about clearing acne and marks on your skin in a week… in what universe miss self-appointed dermatologist. I went from turmeric and honey to Colgate on my skin. Some like the egg and cinnamon face mask nearly burnt my whole face away. It's safe to say I have tried nearly everything natural and the truth is it’s a scam!

Interestingly the struggle with body image is that it’s not a personal battle. You’re not the only one seeing your ‘flaws’ and noticing the changes. Suddenly it feels like the world around you is attacking you and it’s pretty loud while at it. It’s the guy body-shaming women in your social media, your friends saying something inappropriate about a certain body type, comments like certain clothes don’t flatter a certain body type, your aunties asking na siku hizi unakula nini or kwani haukuli vizuri, the girls in river-road saying sister tukona mafuta ya uso kuja ununue…

There are millions of people in the world who have felt like this and some still feel like they are disgusted by the person in the mirror. We have allowed someone else to define beauty for us. The concept of the ‘ideal body-type’ is constantly changing. For ladies, a few years back slim was beautiful and hot; now in the Kardashian era, curvy is the new sexy. For guys, an ideal body is defined by the excessively oiled men with six-packs in our social media platforms or the guys with built bodies dancing in TikTok videos dressed in towels. Because this definition is constantly changing, I can’t help but wonder when exactly are we ever enough?

Such pressure has resulted in the onset of new habits such as self-objectification. I want you to think back to an instance when you left the house thinking leo ni kuwakunywa tu. You knew if class bounces on that day, you’re camping outside. All that effort cannot go to waste… lazima watu wakuone! As soon as you left the house, a small voice in your head suddenly made you feel uncomfortable in what you were wearing. Instead of feeling good, you spent the whole day adjusting your clothes and thinking people are looking at you funny. That overthinking spiral you went on is self-objectification; monitoring your body from an outsider’s perspective even when no one is looking at you.

Body shaming cannot be overlooked. At least once in your life, someone has probably pointed out something about you that you were already insecure about. Chances are you probably felt like trash and unworthy. You felt like something was wrong with your body and it needed fixing. Such people are just projecting their insecurities by attacking yours. We give them so much power over us when all they are really is a ball of insecurities as well.

What would happen if we actually tapped into such painful experiences and drew strength from them? Painful experiences such as these can work as disruptions of body image pushing us out of our comfort zones. Instead of being comfortable in the shame corner or drowning in self-objectification, these experiences can actually be opportunities for growth. They can trigger the first step towards loving our bodies.

However, our responses to such experiences determine whether we grow or sink deeper. There are three possible responses to body image disruptions:

The first response is sinking deeper into shame through unhealthy coping mechanisms like self-objectification, eating disorders, self-harm, or drug abuse. For instance, having comfort foods could be a coping mechanism.

The second response could be clinging to our comfort zones through hiding (such as wearing over-sized clothes) or fixing. Many of us are victims of fixing through the diets we go on such liquid-only detox, keto diet and so many more. Of late with all these blenders and juicers, we are now drinking our vegetables and drinking all forms of tea that are promising weight loss.

The third response which is the ideal one is creating body image resilience. Once you hit rock bottom the only way to go is up. Hitting rock bottom initiates a shift in your mindset. Body positive people have often gone through painful experiences that helped in shifting their mentality towards their bodies. Body image resilience happens when you finally get tired of this constant obsession about your body and you finally accept who you are and choose to love that person. You learn how to block out the noises and start to see your body as an instrument and not an ornament. It is created when you start to say good things about your body and focus on your strengths rather than your looks.

Body positivity is not defined as believing your body looks good; it’s knowing that your body is good. It is choosing to see beyond all these things about you that need fixing and embracing them. It is taking care of yourself and making decisions about your body for you and not for the purpose of pleasing other people. The choice to change your diet, start working out, wear a type of clothing, put on make-up…. Anything to do with your body has to be a choice you make for you.

I remember when I tried to work out for the first time and the thought process behind that decision. In case you thought this was going to be a happy ending and I am now a gym guru, you’re wrong. Hunny I still can’t work out to save my own life! The reason is probably that I am constantly trying to ‘fix’ an imperfection I think I have. Maybe it’s time to redefine our health in a way that has nothing to do with our bodies. Maybe it’s time to join the gym, eat healthier, or be consistent with home work-out plans because being active is good for our health.

We have allowed our bodies to be distorted and objectified. We have allowed ourselves to be defined as the body first and people second. I think it’s time we defined beauty for ourselves. We need to stop defining it based on what we consume in mainstream media almost every minute of our lives. It is time to stop chasing the perfect body! Ending the pursuit for perfection means loving your body for what it does for you. It means working on your relationship with your body through learning self-love. It also means reminding yourself how sexy you are

instead of obsessing over how your legs don’t look good in shorts.

The next time you’re butt naked in front of your mirror, instead of pointing out all your insecurities, I want you to take it all in and say ‘Na unakuanga umeiva!’